We're ALL guilty of it! Single, married. Young or... seasoned. We have an ideological fantasy in our minds of what that perfect special person will look like.... or what we hoped they would've been like if you're already hitched!! :)
Tall, dark and handsome. 36, 24, 36. 6 packs and strong backs (Yes God!... Sorry I'm back.....!) Hips and all the right dips. Nice with a little bit of a rough edge. Lady in streets, but.... ya know. However, if we're honest with ourselves, setting these "desires of our hearts" on such a pedestal, can do more harm than good. The reality of these fantasies is they can really set us up for unnecessary disappointment and perhaps a loss of time and energy. We will spend time and energy pursuing a relationship with someone solely based on their outward measurements in our fantasies, but neglect to measure how their character or upbringing will mesh with ours.
Hear me: I am ALL for standards and complementing mates, however with so much emphasis on these must haves, we don't leave a lot of room for the real life irks and quirks that EVERY individual comes with.... even me and you! We tell God over and over, we give this area of our lives up for Him to bless us as He sees fit... then throw out the caveat of, "now I would REALLY love it if it came like this, this and that... but nevertheless not my will.... anyway you see fit... you know me better than I know myself." Over time, rehearsing the fantasy more than trusting God for His will, causes internal conflict when God does allow that special person to cross your path. Whether you believe in "The One" or in "Two worlds colliding into one" it can make it very unsettling to receive this great person because in our rehearsing these fantasy people, we are ultimately saying: this is what I am entitled to. Anything less than I must be settling beneath my worth. Cause I deserve my wish list..... Ahem... I mean the desires of my heart.
Let us be reminded of this.... there is no such thing as perfect. Never in our imaginations of this wonderfully awesome person do we see them with a crooked tooth, a slight limp, a crazy mother, a deadbeat dad, delinquent on their taxes, or has cheated in their last 5 relationships.. All of these things can diminish our perspective of our potential mates and cause us to question whether or not this person can REALLY be the one we spend the rest of our days with. We have these standards of perfection that are near impossible to meet!! The danger in setting our STANDards is we either A) Don't STAND by them, or B) Don't STAND UP to them. We will set a standard of not tolerating someone who smokes., and because that person overcompensates in ONE other area we will forego that standard. OR we ask for the model-esque financially free person, and we haven't thought about a gym and have not applied one Dave Ramsey tip. As people, we tend to have a perfect vision on measuring someone else's ability to operate "perfectly" in OUR lives however, we neglect to measure our ability to operate "perfectly" in someone else's life.
With that being said, here are my PRIMARY appeals to men and women on not allowing the fantasy to cause you to choose wrong!
My appeal to men: See past today. Don't choose based solely on what's satisfactory or arousing. You know the call, purpose, and direction of your life, please choose someone who can meet you in that place in the future.
My appeal to women: See his potential but don't force it on him. If he can't realize it himself and begin walking towards it, you can't make him and he will eventually leave if he never thinks enough of HIMSELF to become it.
The goal here is not to accept ANY and EVERY Joe Blow or Susie Q that approaches you with interest. I am simply wondering, how many great opportunities have passed us by because we had our laundry list of "Needs" in the way??? Have we fantasized so much so, that we don't allow that woman or man to enter our lives and do what they are called to do: Help us reach our next level! Don't be fooled by the glamorous outward appearance, you are dating/marrying more than a pretty face and big arms. The fantasy should not be the requirement, character, commitment, purpose and love should be!